Motoring humour to finish 2016

Holidays and road trips often go together. Ahead are end of year festivities along with the celebrations for the New Year and school holidays. Many people will be on the road, often driving long distances, to meet up with family and friends. Rather than dwelling on safe driving tips which have been covered in earlier Posts in this Blog, here is some lighthearted reading regarding teamwork, potholes, new furniture uses for cars and to view vintage film clips related to motoring on muddy and slippery roads.

It’s been a tumultuous year in many parts of the world and we all crave peace and tolerance. Not only in politics but also on our local roadways.

TEAMWORK

Check out this photo, often seen on the internet, showing how it takes two to drive a tractor with three wheels. Perfect teamwork.

takes two to drive a tractor. Count the wheels.

Two to drive a tractor but three wheels

 

POTHOLES

Now who dreamed up these false potholes in the road? a real pothole in road?

 

Appears real enough. Cars slow down to avoid potholes, car damage and unsafe driving.

false pothole in road

Don’t be fooled. These are cheaper than speed cameras, radar and police officers.

stick on potholes

Totally removable and located on different roads daily.

If only all real potholes could be remedied so swiftly.

RECYCLED CARS

Now for something closer to  home. Here are some suggestions for recycling your former cars into new furniture. A new hobby perhaps?

solo bed on wheels

solo bed on wheels

motor desk

motor desk

motor bed

motor bed

 

 

 

 

MUDDY ROADS – vintage video clips

If you are worried about muddy roads, click on this Youtube 26 second video of vintage cars and trucks on muddy roads.   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cvXZpKmNbao

Or this 1920′ s film of the Dodge Brothers Wild Ride.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nq2jY1trxqg

HOW WOMEN & MEN APPROACH OIL CHANGES

This has been circulating for some time now on the internet but will bring a smile.

 Oil Change instructions for Women:

1)  Drive into Ultra Tune when the odometer reaches 10,000 kilometres since the last oil change.
2)  Drink a free cup of coffee and read the free paper while the car goes up on the hoist to be serviced properly by a qualified mechanic.
3)  15 minutes later swipe the Visa and get 40 frequent flyer points, leave with a properly maintained vehicle and go off to have nails done.
Money spent:

Oil Change: $50.00
Total: $50.00 

 

Oil Change instructions for Men:

1)    Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, swipe the Visa for $50.00.
2)    Stop by the Bottle Shop and buy a slab of beer, swipe the Visa for $40, drive home.
3)    Open a beer and drink it while planning the procedure ahead.
4)    Jack car up.  Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5)    Find jack stands under caravan.
6)    In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7)    Place drain pan under engine.
8)    Look for 19 mm ring spanner.
9)    Give up and use a shifter.
10)  Unscrew drain plug.
11)  Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process.  Curse and swear.
12)  Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off face and arms.  Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13)  Have another beer while watching the oil drain.
14)  Spend 30 minutes looking for an oil filter wrench.
15)  Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16)  Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes.  Cleverly, hide old oil filter among 
 rubbish in rubbish bin to avoid     environmental penalties.  Drink a beer.
17)  Install new oil filter, making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18)  Dump first litre of fresh oil into engine.
19)  Remember drain plug from step 11.
20)  Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21)  Drink beer.
22)  Discover that first litre of fresh oil is now on the floor.  Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23)  Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill.  Drink beer.
24)  Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25)  Begin swearing fit.
26)  Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27)  Swear for additional 5 minutes because shifting spanner hit bowling trophy.
28)  Beer.
29)  Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30)  Beer.
31)  Dump in five fresh litres of oil.
32)  Beer.
33)  Lower car from jack stands.
34)  Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35)  Beer.
36)  Test drive car.
37)  Get pulled over, breath tested and arrested for driving having in excess of the Prescribed Content of Alcohol in bloodstream.
38)  Car is impounded.
39)  Call loving wife, make bail.
40)  12 hours later, get car towed from RBT testing site to home.  $150.00.
Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
Fine for
Driving High-Range PCA: $2,500.00
Towing fee: $150.00
Bail: $1
,500.00 (which, admittedly, was refunded)
Beer: $40.00
Total: $4,260.00

Oh, and a period of disqualification from driving for 18 months!

That’s all for 2016. Drive with care and joy on your long distance drive.See you in 2017.

VW beetle with attitude

VW beetle with attitude

 

About Jeanne Eve

Jeanne Eve lives in Australia and enjoys long distance driving to new places combined with her love of travel, writing, eating and fun company. In former times, she was a speech pathologist so appreciates the desire for good health and effective communication. She is married and has two daughters and two step-sons.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *